


Donkey

by Merixcil



Series: Advent Fics 2017 [21]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Droids, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merixcil/pseuds/Merixcil
Summary: A strange life form appears in the Falcon and the droids attempt to deal with it
Series: Advent Fics 2017 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767640
Kudos: 2





	Donkey

**Author's Note:**

> K2SO is here for no reason without explanation because they totally deserve to be revived for a Christmas crack fic.

“I really do feel we ought to tell the General about this.” C3PO called after BB8 and R2D2’s retreating backs. The smaller droids shrieked out parting dismissals as they rumbled off down the gangplank of the Falcon. They each claimed to have a solution to their current predicament that would require minimal interference from any life forms.

R2D2 was of the opinion that if they could find a saddle of the right shape they might be able to ride the Problem like a fathier and BB8 wanted to work out what it ate so that they could keep it as a pet. Ridiculous, BB8 only knew what a pet was because people kept referring to it as Poe’s pet.

C3PO shuffled back into the central cabin of the Falcon, staying close to the wall and eyeing up the Problem with as much suspicion as a droid was capable of. “There’s a one in four hundred and twenty nine chance of this ending well.”

“You don’t have to tell me the odds.” K2SO replied. Quite foolishly, in C3PO’s opinion, they were demonstrating no fear of the Problem, even going so far as to scratch it behind what looked to be its ears.

The Problem was an unfamiliar life form, grey, slightly squat and quadrupedal with a long face, white muzzle, floppy ears and a cross picked out in black across its back. C3PO was unaware of any words to describe it in any language and he sorely wished that it hadn’t been waiting for them in the Falcon when they swung by to pick up Master Finn’s jacket.

“Blast!” C3PO exclaimed, remembering the item of clothing. It was on the other side of the room from him and there was no way to reach it without getting close to the Problem and there was a less than one in ten thousand chance that K2SO would be kind enough to pass it to him. “Do be careful, K2SO. This creature may be dangerous.”

“The creature has no carapace and its skeleton is made of pure bone.” K2SO replied, in that tone they liked to take when they felt they were surrounded by foolishness. “I could snap its neck in an instant if I wished.”

“Yes, but how do you know that’s its neck?”

The Problem bucked its head up under K2SO’s hand, then twisted round to start gnawing at its hindquarters like a bantha with an itch. It’s teeth looked frightfully huge, it’s eyes wide and manic.

K2SO shrugged. “Basic mammalian anatomy.”

R2D2 and BB8 arrived in a rush, tearing past C3PO so fast he was almost knocked over. R2D2 appeared to have returned empty handed but BB8 had picked up a clawful of some kind of grass growing on Chandrila that it seemed convinced the Problem would like.

“I see you didn’t find your saddle.” C3PO huffed at R2D2.

R2D2 replied in a series of binary beeps quite untranslatable and perfectly offensive.

BB8 struggled to get the Problem to notice the grass it had found. Every time it got under the creature’s nose it turned away.

“See how ungrateful it is!” C3PO exclaimed, still afraid to move further into the room.

“I believe it finds BB8 alarming, judging by the jump in its heart rate.” K2SO replied.

BB8? Alarming? Impossible. If the Problem could stand to have its head stroked by K2SO it should have no additional fear to contest with.

Shockingly though, when BB8 moved back and handed the grass to K2SO, the Problem stopped shifting its head like it was making a concerted effort not to look at what was in front of it and actually paid attention to the gift it had been brought. It sniffed at the grass for a second before opening up its terrifyingly toothy mouth and practically swallowing K2SO’s hand.

R2D2 laughed and said something foul about killer mammals wantonly destroying droids that startled BB8 and even C3PO felt was uncalled for.

“I’m perfectly fine.” K2SO held up their now empty and somewhat slobbered on hand. “And it appears that the creature likes the grass.

With a shriek of joy, R2D2 dashed away to find more food for the beast. BB8 whirled around in gleeful circles, beeping a series of high pitched requests that they keep the Problem.

“No!” C3PO gasped.

“I don’t see why not.” K2SO cut across him, and there was no doubt in BB8’s mind which droid was better listened to as it trailed out after R2D2, promising to bring back the biggest stack of grass it could carry.

If C3PO were capable of scowling, he would have done so. “There was no need to encourage them like that!”

“Of course there was no need, but if I hadn’t the chances of the two of them pestering the two of us for the next week over our cruel refusal were-“

“Incredibly high, yes, I know.” C3PO reluctantly conceded. He stared across the cabin to where Master Finn’s jacket was clearly visible on the opposite wall. Its owner was going to have to come and pick it up for himself.

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted as part of a multi chaptered 'advent fics' fic that I'm trying to split up. If you think you've read it before, you probably have


End file.
